I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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