but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
