we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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