Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
