Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
