I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
