I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
