can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
