haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
