I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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