What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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