my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
