you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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