her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
