he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
