I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
