My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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