i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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