I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
