There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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