I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
