pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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