I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
