There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
