I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
