he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
