Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
