And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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