don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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