So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
