The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
