My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
