Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
