This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
