I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Someone signed my nipple.
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