and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
