I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
