I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
