Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm like, not good at living.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
