How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
