I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
