Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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