did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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