Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
