he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
