Plan B is the new Plan A
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
