Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I can text with my tongue
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize