My first STD was from a foam party
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
