why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
