Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
