my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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