Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
